Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
