: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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