like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize