after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
