Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
