i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
