will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
