just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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