i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
