I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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