yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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