Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
