Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
