Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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