sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize