I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
