Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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