she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize