We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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