He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
