My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
