Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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