ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
