SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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