Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
