A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
