saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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