so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
