No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
