Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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