I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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