I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
