Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
