Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Two words: blizzard sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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