i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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