They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
