dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
