She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
