is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
