I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
