was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
