i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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