Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
