I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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