why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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