I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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