Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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