we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
