[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
