do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
