I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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