Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
