If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
