i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
