Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
