I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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