He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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