i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
