On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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