You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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