So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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