remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize