The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
