I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
