i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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