he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
