Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
