Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
