sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
