I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
