and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
