did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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