Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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