Will you blow on my dice?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
