He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And then he peed in my hair
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