I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
