omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
