wat bout pragnant strippers??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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