I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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