at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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