Kiss
Puke
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
