My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
