smell my finger.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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