After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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