i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
tell me about the fingering
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
