I just pynch a tree in the face
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
