What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
