It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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