I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
