Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
