I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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